Sociopaths and Thanksgiving.
I hope everyone is having a restful and enriching Thanksgiving Day. I'm grateful for finally landing on my feet here in Kentucky, establishing some connections, recovering from the grief of my dog's passing, getting back into singing, and in general enjoying the best little big city in the Mid South. Mercifully, my day has been free from the machinations of a person suffering from a lack of conscience.
That being said...
I finally read "The Sociopath Next Door" yesterday (yes, yesterday. It was so good I couldn't put it down). When this book came out, I was still living in Utah--and at the time I knew for a fact that I had had interactions with at least two dyed-in-the-wool sociopaths. They were both men who had moved to Escalante to start tourism businesses. They both were devoid of honor, they both preyed on people via "pity," and they both were such good actors that they could make you feel like YOU were the one that had hurt their feelings--after they had already been lying to you for months. They were, and I'm sure still are, two of the most sickening, wretched people I know. The older man even started the rumor that he was DYING to get people to feel sorry for him! Guess what? That was 4 years ago. He's still alive. And YES, according this book, sociopaths lie about anything, especially stuff as dramatic and pitiable as a terminal illness...it's a whole lot easier to control people when they feel sorry for you.
But the scarier sociopath profile I read about yesterday was of one I would have never guessed existed, and unfortunately, she was also someone I met in Utah. The "covetous psychopath" is someone who feels as though the world gave them a crappy deal and everyone else has what she wants, and she will do whatever it takes to either wreck it for the people she envies, or take it from them. Yes, I knew a woman like this in Escalante. Yes, she made me terribly uncomfortable, but luckily, she left me some clues as to her true nature. Like the time my sister-in-law came to visit and this girl and another friend of ours came by and introduced themselves. The girl came by our home a few days later, and said my sister-in-law was so nice and simple-minded it would have been a lot of fun to "mess around" with her. I was shocked...but ill-equipped to deal with the weirdness that the moment spawned. WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT?
Now I know.
Not only that, this girl was actually depressed--DEPRESSED TO CRYING--about a close-knit family the next town over. "Oh how I wish I could have a family like that. IT'S NOT FAIR. I deserved that. I deserve that." I actually felt sorry for her. But I did remind her that I thought she needed to get her envy under control or her life would never be happy. She stared right through me with her glassy lizard-like eyes.
As much as this girl wanted to be our friend (my husband still thinks she's really nice) I never could take her for very extended periods of time, and I felt her behavior toward him was often inappropriate. I just couldn't put my finger on it, on her motives...on the reasons for anything she did.
Now I know.
She's bored because she has no conscience. Because she has no shame, she can pretty much say or do anything and get away with it. And because it would be RUDE for someone to call her on her bad behavior, nobody did. According to this book, sociopaths are counting on people having manners and not pointing out that they are being creepy.
So what is it/was it about that small town in the wilderness that seemed to draw the sociopaths like a moth to the flame? Was it the lack of law enforcement? Well, that would make sense because if you could get away with murder anywhere, Escalante would be a good place. Many murders occurred there that were never prosecuted, with the exception of our friend Dave the Deputy's murder. But he was a cop.
What else was it then? The implied freedom of the wild west? It would explain the proliferation of criminals and gunfighters in the 1800s. A small town would be a sociopath's perfect play world where, because of the loneliness, the remoteness, and the small size of the town, bad behavior is overlooked, or simply written off as "eccentric." I remember being told more than once I needed to grow thicker skin if I wanted to live there. And maybe I did; I'm certain that I have a better self-image of myself now than I ever have.
I am also readily able to pin-point a sociopath from a safe distance, thank god...and there may be as many as one in every 25 persons in the U.S.
If you never get around to reading "The Sociopath Next Door," just remember you can't hurt these people's feelings so don't feel bad about turning away from them, AND...they will try to make you feel sorry for them. But like I said, they have no feelings so it won't matter if you opt out of their games. They may act sad, or get mad, but their reaction isn't genuine because they don't have feelings. It's impossible to imagine, I know! But hear me when I tell you that as sure as I am sitting here typing, they are real.
Don't play with these people. Run away. Read this book. Protect yourself.
That being said...
I finally read "The Sociopath Next Door" yesterday (yes, yesterday. It was so good I couldn't put it down). When this book came out, I was still living in Utah--and at the time I knew for a fact that I had had interactions with at least two dyed-in-the-wool sociopaths. They were both men who had moved to Escalante to start tourism businesses. They both were devoid of honor, they both preyed on people via "pity," and they both were such good actors that they could make you feel like YOU were the one that had hurt their feelings--after they had already been lying to you for months. They were, and I'm sure still are, two of the most sickening, wretched people I know. The older man even started the rumor that he was DYING to get people to feel sorry for him! Guess what? That was 4 years ago. He's still alive. And YES, according this book, sociopaths lie about anything, especially stuff as dramatic and pitiable as a terminal illness...it's a whole lot easier to control people when they feel sorry for you.
But the scarier sociopath profile I read about yesterday was of one I would have never guessed existed, and unfortunately, she was also someone I met in Utah. The "covetous psychopath" is someone who feels as though the world gave them a crappy deal and everyone else has what she wants, and she will do whatever it takes to either wreck it for the people she envies, or take it from them. Yes, I knew a woman like this in Escalante. Yes, she made me terribly uncomfortable, but luckily, she left me some clues as to her true nature. Like the time my sister-in-law came to visit and this girl and another friend of ours came by and introduced themselves. The girl came by our home a few days later, and said my sister-in-law was so nice and simple-minded it would have been a lot of fun to "mess around" with her. I was shocked...but ill-equipped to deal with the weirdness that the moment spawned. WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT?
Now I know.
Not only that, this girl was actually depressed--DEPRESSED TO CRYING--about a close-knit family the next town over. "Oh how I wish I could have a family like that. IT'S NOT FAIR. I deserved that. I deserve that." I actually felt sorry for her. But I did remind her that I thought she needed to get her envy under control or her life would never be happy. She stared right through me with her glassy lizard-like eyes.
As much as this girl wanted to be our friend (my husband still thinks she's really nice) I never could take her for very extended periods of time, and I felt her behavior toward him was often inappropriate. I just couldn't put my finger on it, on her motives...on the reasons for anything she did.
Now I know.
She's bored because she has no conscience. Because she has no shame, she can pretty much say or do anything and get away with it. And because it would be RUDE for someone to call her on her bad behavior, nobody did. According to this book, sociopaths are counting on people having manners and not pointing out that they are being creepy.
So what is it/was it about that small town in the wilderness that seemed to draw the sociopaths like a moth to the flame? Was it the lack of law enforcement? Well, that would make sense because if you could get away with murder anywhere, Escalante would be a good place. Many murders occurred there that were never prosecuted, with the exception of our friend Dave the Deputy's murder. But he was a cop.
What else was it then? The implied freedom of the wild west? It would explain the proliferation of criminals and gunfighters in the 1800s. A small town would be a sociopath's perfect play world where, because of the loneliness, the remoteness, and the small size of the town, bad behavior is overlooked, or simply written off as "eccentric." I remember being told more than once I needed to grow thicker skin if I wanted to live there. And maybe I did; I'm certain that I have a better self-image of myself now than I ever have.
I am also readily able to pin-point a sociopath from a safe distance, thank god...and there may be as many as one in every 25 persons in the U.S.
If you never get around to reading "The Sociopath Next Door," just remember you can't hurt these people's feelings so don't feel bad about turning away from them, AND...they will try to make you feel sorry for them. But like I said, they have no feelings so it won't matter if you opt out of their games. They may act sad, or get mad, but their reaction isn't genuine because they don't have feelings. It's impossible to imagine, I know! But hear me when I tell you that as sure as I am sitting here typing, they are real.
Don't play with these people. Run away. Read this book. Protect yourself.
1 Comments:
Having a covetous psychopath as a friend is bad, even worse is marrying a woman who is a covetous psychopath. The example given in "The Sociopath Next Door" describes a covetous psychopath who lies about being a psychologist and abuses patients in order to undermine other doctors of whom the female covetous psychopath is jealous - namely other female psychologists with whom she works. To outsiders, the key point of a smart covetous psychopath is, "Why would someone do something like that?" To normal people, it simply does not make sense. What is the motive? Psychopaths are not rational. They have no conscience, no sympathy, no empathy - they are ice cold and loveless. They only thing they can try to do is to manipulate and dominate the unsuspecting.
Females are much different than males. Females by their very nature hide their problems much better than males. Everyone can think of a male psychopath but we rarely think right away that females are psychopaths too. Female psychopaths can be much more sophisticated in their schemes because they are so good at hiding. Also, throw in the power of seduction, sleeping with a few important men (who are probably married), and now, a female covetous psychopath can isolate her victims and prevent others from coming to their rescue.
Let me tell you, marrying a beautiful, charming, and intelligent young female covetous psychopath is enough to make a man loose his religion. In my case, being an Orthodox Jewish man, I had no reason to doubt the six years that the lovely woman I met spent with Orthodox Jews prior to me. Nor did I suspect her elaborate lies. Why would a woman lie about that? After she tried to wreck my home, my business, and my reputation, I obviously discovered that this woman was not Jewish and certainly not Orthodox. Why would a non-Jewish woman enter the Jewish world and lie about being a Jew? Why not just convert?
She came from a broken home and I did not. She felt the world owed her something and the way that she gets back at the world is to find a nice guy like me, get me to fall in love with her fast, marry her and then never suspect that she planned on ruining every aspect of my life. Thank God it only lasted about 6 months. You would think that now that a young woman has a successful husband from a good family she would want to enjoy the comfort. Wrong. That's not what makes her tick. She is not like you and me. She would prefer to wreck her own nice home in order to control and dominate, even if it leaves her without a home. Strange. Nothing in my life experience could prepare me for that.
Of course, there were men before me and there will be men after men. She goes from nice man to nice man, finds an unsuspecting victim, uses her charm, beauty and intelligence to make the victim fall in love with her, and then she goes about her plan. Pretty cold and evil. Mothers who have sons, wouldn't you hate to have your son meet a woman like that?
Some people are just evil. Our job as a healthy and functioning society is to expose evil. If not, evil people will win more and more, and that will make the world horrible. The main point that the book The Sociopath Next Door makes is that we have been blind to the sociopath next door. We have to reassess how we see these sociopathic girls, boys, women, and men. They are not at all like us. They pretend to be, they are great actors, but they do not care at all about anyone but themselves. They are terribly dangerous. You never know how far they can go. They would not hesitate to murder someone if they knew they would not get caught. They are not stupid nor are they unaware of what they are doing. They are experts at deception.
It really sucks when your world falls apart because of a psychopath. The good news is that good will win out over evil. There is a God, and all these evil people are part of His plan. Our job is to expose these evil people, change our view, change our systems to deal with these kinds of people, and stop letting these vicious human beings wreck a bunch of people's lives and then simply move on to the next town. Right now, too many sociopaths are flying under the radar. We have to make adjustments to the detection system and also serious improvements in reporting.
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